By Lindsy, Tacoma Youth for Christ Foster Parent
1) We are better than you :
We are not saints. We are doing this because it needs doing and we love kids. Some of us hope to expand our families this way, some of us do it for the pleasure of hearing the pitter patter of little feet, some of us grew up around formal or informal fostering – but all of us are doing it BECAUSE WE LOVE IT!
2) The child's outcome is in our control :
When it comes to fostering, you must know that the state's primary goal is reconciliation with a biological parent or a family member for the first year minimum. Not every foster child should or will be adopted by their foster family. If parental rights are terminated, biological parents cannot regain custody of their children. What many people may not realize is that the bio- or foster- parents are not making these choices. If a child returns home, we're not "giving them back." There is a whole legal process involving many factors. You should also know that biological parents are real people with real problems. Every parent loves their child, no matter what their actions may exhibit.
3) We are getting rich / It's too expensive :
Money always seem to come up when I talk about being a foster parent. People either think that foster parents are getting paid the big bucks to raise these children -or- that kids are way too expensive and they could never afford to become a foster parent. Neither is true. The state pays a foster family a nominal amount to help pay for clothing, toys, food, diapers. Our state's DSHS (Department of Social and Health Services) will also pay for your child's daycare if you are a working parent. You can also get reimbursed for mileage and receive food assistance. If a foster child becomes legally free and a foster family wants to adopt, the state covers the costs. It is what's called a public adoption. Private adoptions through an agency or overseas are costly.
4) We have no control over who lives in our home :
When you are licensed, you set the terms. When you do receive a call about a child you get all the available information about him/her and then you get to say "yes" or "no". If we ever wanted to expand our license (a wider age range or quantity) or terminate it, we can. No one is going to drop children off at your house without your consent. That would be insane.
5) The kids are damaged goods :
The reality is that children enter foster care as victims of neglect, abandonment, or abuse. It’s not their fault. Some foster children do need a lot of attention/ guidance/ parenting/therapy/help/guidelines/etc. I have learned that all kids, even your biological kids, have special needs and children thrive in a healthy environment.
6) You have to have it all together :
While you do have to pass a background check and complete an application and interview process, you don't have to be a lot of things that you might think you need to be! Race, ethnic background, and income level are not an issue for foster care. You don't have to be rich or married, you don't have to be a homeowner or live in a huge house and you can be a first-time parent.